I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
