It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
