I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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