and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
