Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I enjoy the company of your penis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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