you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
