Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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