im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
how does that bad decision feel?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
