you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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