i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need a beard to bite.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
