Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
