Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize