I feel like I'm in dance class right now
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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