you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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