Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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