my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
