how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
