I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
