I just saw a hot homeless man
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
