This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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