My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize