im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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