Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
