He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
