she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize