..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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