but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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