Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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