I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
