A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize