i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
