nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize