Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
