Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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