the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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