I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
