grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
