I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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