he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
