he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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