When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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