My nipple is on Facebook.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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