i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
