dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
