We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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