I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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