You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
