omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
