you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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