coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I smell like Dick and happiness
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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