I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize