God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize