wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
