Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize