i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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