how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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