It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
