Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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