How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
