Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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