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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
