we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
