She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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