I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
