he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
