When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
