Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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