so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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