watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i now understand why vodka
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
