what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
