I think my vagina is haunted
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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