I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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