are you still at the devil's house?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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